it lames.
i mean me.
today we ended our rehearsal around 15:00
and then we dismissed.
it's not a play but a real "play"
we are all laughing and joking while rehearsing,
but that's not our fault anyway.
anyone who could repeat doing a same scene once twice and so on is just...
well, if there's any of them, i'll terribly admire them.
and the rehearsal part's not my point today anyway.
acting is never my important topic anyway.
the following part is only a stream of consciousness,
about no specific ideas but i lame.
--
after the rehearsal, i went to the gym
on the second floor.
how long since the day i
stroke away and walked out of the volley team that i'd not been here?
one year or only a half?
after counting i found it a year.
that's the last March, after the league.
second floor, where i crush on you, where i made the final and fatal decision
to leave.
and that makes me leave everything behind,
nothing more is still here accompanied.
today i stood on the second floor.
there's a game going on.
though i don't want to consider it lame, it was.
the players are actually basketball players
can see from their clothes and shoes.
they have the strength, but no skill,
it was a... mess.
but it seemed so happy!!?
i just want someone to play volleyball with me, that's all.
6 people with me, or lesser,
if there's only one person setting ball with me will still do.
nothing more i dare to ask now, with so many that passed already.
but still, no.
once i want to play guitar, have a band, and probably lonely no more.
and then i had a guitar man.
but then i found it no way to diminish my loneliness.
it's just adding up, and gain twice the loneliness i can afford.
and then i back out again.
with more shame among my commitment
that i ruined one man's value of love in merely two weeks.
however, i'm wrong.
the one who's value's ruined mostly is me.
looser. only two people and i crash.
yeah i know the god would always help those who deeply believe in it
though it is really ironical that while i spare my wishes to him
only that one comes true so soon.
or perhaps he's just that kind of person that i once misunderstood
that he really has all kind of women around him with fast relation developing
then, that's for my sake.
the only sad thing is that i feel sorry for him for so long,
and i even spare a wish for him
while he teases me to take an episode of my long run for failing experiences in love.
on the second floor, and see those player's joy.
i still feel lonely.
extremely.
that's an uncomfortable thought
about what if i didn't walk away that rainy day without a word.
what will happen next and now?
i need someone around
but i have no one.
end.
